Australia Blog

Hello, Wankers

Time after time on the drive up to Portland from Eugene, Oregon I saw a sign advertising Wanker's Corner. This seems to not bother most Americans, but to an Aussie it's guaranteed to produce laughter.

A friend in Sydney pointed out a story in today's Sydney Morning Herald:

What's in a name

Funniest part of the article is where employee Erica says she wore some "Wankerwear" on a recent trip to Sydney and got some unexpected reactions.

When I get back to Portland, I'm going to get some photos from Wanker's Corner and maybe I'll just buy some Wankerwear (the hats are priceless). For friends, of course. That stuff will make you go blind!

In the System

I'm officially in the system. It's taken the best part of eight months, but I finally got my first telemarketing call last night. I don't know where they got my number from, but I'm sure this will be the first of many. Let the tele-spam begin.

BootsnAll Founder turns 30

BRISBANE, Australia: BootsnAll Founder, Chris J. Heidrich turns 30 today.

I wish you a happy, healthy, and prosperous 30 more years Chris. joe e shared some words of wisdon with me when I turned 30, that I will in turn, share with you.

"Make sure you use your weiner, once you turn 50...it falls off."

Peace bro...have a great day and more importantly, keep living well.

The Chill Bar - Brisbane

With temperatures in Brisbane supposed to hit 38° Celcius (100°F) by Friday, folks are looking for ways to beat the heat. As my train was leaving Roma Street station the other day, I spied a poster advertising the Chill Bar.

According to the poster they have not one, but two Scandinavian inspired ice bars, and over 80 imported vodkas to choose from while the rest of the city swelters. And if you're really keen to get away from the sauna outside, you can hire out the Vodka Room - chilled to 5°C. They'll even provide you with a fur jacket.

The website ain't much, but if you have broadband you can have a chuckle at the buxom blonde wearing a variety of hats in most of the photos.

Wearing Undies in Public - Chic or a Major Faux Pas?

Oh yes, I've really excelled this time! I recently started Bikram Yoga - a quite intensive series of 26 positions in a 40-degree-heated room. A fantastically sweaty 90-minute workout that has you feeling quite spanktacular afterwards...

Anyway, I did it the first time in my usual gym gear, then bought some lightweight pants [in lollypop pink, actually, which delighted me no end!] But, no matter what you wear, your clothes end up stuck to you, and seeing as I've been doing it every second day or so and I refuse to wash my gear every second day, 'cos, well, I'm lazy!, I haven't got around to buying extra sets. Yesterday I went looking for a top and 'cos I was in a hurry [on my already-extended lunch break!], and they didn't have proper gym gear, I ended up in the underwear section [any excuse!] and picked up a cotton-lycra blend to suffice. While I was there [as you do], I also nabbed some cool Bonds boy-cut, hipster dacks that are a bit like men's y-fronts in that they have that little 'pocket thing' on the, er, groin, that I've still no idea what it's for [for either gender!] V. cool. V. Amusing. So of course I bought a 3-pack!

I go to yoga with pink top, pink pants and try the new pink duds[seeing as there are also 'g-issues' when you find yourself in, er, compromising positions - I hadn't noticed until I saw myself in the mirror last week and thought, oh great, everyone behind me's been having a nice view all class! Trust me, I am not one of these women who thinks it is attractive to have yer g pokin' out the top of your jeans/skirt in a not at all subtle, 'ooh, guess what I'm wearing!' type manner] Anyway, I have the pants on and the instructor says, 'oh, you've got pants today, you'll get very hot'. I know, I know, but I thought they'd be okay.

I get in the room and it feels hotter than usual, so think, hmmm, I wonder if anyone would notice if I prance around in my undies! They kinda look like [very small!] gyms shorts! My friend encourages me to do so saying, 'they're fine, no one would even know!' Except that they're pale pink and I look nearly nude!

So, I take off me dacks and spend 90 minutes bending and stretching in me undies and singlet! No one says a thing, but the instructor does double-take when she sees me sans pants!

I mean, it's all very well in the privacy of your own home, but perhaps it was a bit bold? Although there's some pretty scantily-clad yoga/gym instructors out there - perhaps not in their undies though...

So, what's the verdict? Chic duds or a dud chick?

Underdacks Ging

Food Markets at New Farm Park, Brisbane

5:20 seems awful early to be getting up on a Saturday morning (how long since I've been a paperboy?), but that's what I did to go to the food markets at New Farm Park.

New Farm Park itself is huge with a tree lined ring road, flower gardens, impressive old trees and plenty of folks out jogging, playing with dogs, and other fitness activities. It's right by the river with good views of some of the ostentatious houses on the other side. It's also home to the Brisbane Powerhouse, a former power station converted into an arts venue.

The markets are held once a month (second Saturday) and are very popular. I bumped into a mate who was working one of the fruit stalls and he said the early morning was busy with older folks and serious foodies, while the late morning was a great time for checking out the "bird" life. Unfortunately, at 6am I was stuck with the grey set and boy, do they come prepared. Everyone's got their special "granny walker", a shopping basket on wheels. My mum and her friend were a bit more hi-tech with their fold-up versions.

Wandering around the stalls, there was tons on offer. Many stalls had the usual items like bread, specific fruits, little cakes, flowers, vegetables, and meats. There was also a good range of specialty items such as emu products, beeswax, fancy soaps, and gourmet sauces.

As I was wandering around, most of the vendors were more than happy for me to take pictures of their wares. They usually did not want to actually be in the photo, but did not care if I snapped away at the foodstuff. The Chilli Factory guy, though, was another story. He was very uncertain about letting me take a photo and I was glad I'd asked him if it was OK beforehand. It looks like he has a good product but since he's a paranoid freak and does not like other people promoting his business I won't include his website. Has a website but no business cards, he very reluctantly gave me a label tag from one of his bottles.

Fortified by a cup of coffee, I made my way back to where we'd come in. I'd heard my dad rave on about this German sausage guy with 25 different varieties of sausage and I wanted to check it out for myself. In true German style, the stall was very efficiently laid out, showing everything they had and the corresponding prices. They also had two grills on the go with a selection of their Bratwurst and Bockwurst sausages. Figuring it was probably night-time in Chicago, I bought one, thanked the genius who thought of wrapping pig bits in its own skin, and chowed down on its fatty goodness.

Normally a beer goes down well with a German sausage, but the pickings were slim (oh yeah, it's 6:30am). This was as close as I could get. If you wanted to get fancy booze though, you could really go to town, with all sorts of fruity exilirs (website) to kill those brain cells.

To ward off the food coma I walked around the Powerhouse building and down to the river to have another look at the ugly houses people insist on building over the water. One vendor I kept coming back to was the fish guy. He sounded like he was from East London and had the sales patter worthy of Bacon from Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. He was doing his best to get rid of the bloody great fish in front, but it was still there when I left.

Going to the markets is a great way to start the morning and there's enough variety of products around that you could buy everything you needed for a picnic and then find a spot in the park itself to enjoy it by the river or views of the city. New Farm Park is accessible by public transport (bus or ferry). If you're driving, parking is free within the park, but arrive early to get a spot.

We were in and out within 80 minutes and the gals looked pretty pleased with the result.

Boost to Queensland Tourism

Qantas to fly non-stop between Brisbane, Los Angeles

This will be a great benefit for QLD tourism if Qantas can keep the price down and maybe a few more backpackers might leave Sydney for later rather than get trapped down there.

Shark Attack!

Well, sort of...

Man With Shark Attached to Leg Seeks Help

My question to the (now deceased) shark is, what the hell did you think you were going to do with it once you'd bitten it? Take it home to your mum? Show it to your mates?

Fair enough you had a crack at it, but let go! You proved your point. That dude ain't gonna mess with another wobbegong. Just let go.

Thx to Sean for sending this gem along.

Clash of Cultures

What do you get when you have an Aussie wearing a kilt, topped with a sombrero, attending an Italian-Irish/Lithuanian wedding with an open bar in Chicago?

This is what you get...an El McAussie!

Thanks to Freesia for reminding me.

He cocked his leg!

He did it!!!

Yes, I'm talkin' about me dog again... Dunno at what point in his socialisation with other male dogs 'he got it', but this morning, for the first time [at least that I've witnessed, and I don't exactly go around watching him pee], he cocked his leg! Go son! He's been 'pissin' like a girl' [much to my brother's disgust! First time he witnessed he said, 'Ging, sort that out, eh?'! As if I was gonna get down on all fours on the grass next to him and lead by example!] for the last 11 months and I'd heard that sometimes they just never learn. My friend's 4yo lab is still 'squatting', so I thought my boy was just gonna have 'issues', but, no, he's a BLOKE!

Go Madra! Mummy's very proud of you ;-)

Okay I'm pathetic, but it was just such a surprise!!!

Dog Person Ging

More ISP Shenanigans

After the last problem I had with Telstra's provision of BigPond cable internet access, things have been pretty good. Today though, I woke up and there was no juice.

No problem, I thought. These things can usually be taken care of by turning everythign off and starting again. No joy. A call to tech support revealed that there were no major problems reported in my area, but that there was a small problem in New Farm, a suburb far enough away that it should not effect me. This was supposed to be sorted out by 11am.

Eleven comes and goes and still no juice. Meanwhile I'm checking email on dial-up and comtemplating my navel in the waiting time for pages to download. Another call to tech support and after 20 minutes on hold, I find that there's still no problems in my area and that a technician has to come out to check things out. Cool.

Except the earliest one can come out is next Wednesday. A full week away.

Not so cool.

I couldn't resist asking what the hell everyone was doing if there were no major problems in the area and yet no one could come out for a week, but that was met with silence and a repeat of the company line, "sorry, but there is nothing more we can do..."

So I'm back at the cyber cafe on Adelaide Street, enjoying the mixture of languages that I can hear and wishing they'd crank up the air con just a few degrees more. If I'm here for a week, maybe they'l do that for me...in the interest of good customer service and all.

Moreton Island Weekend

Wildlife Preservation Society of Queensland Moreton Weekend

MARCH 26 - 28

Barge times: 8.30am Friday Morning & 6.00pm Friday Evening
Departs Port of Brisbane, Howard Smith Drive

Leaves Moreton Island 4.30pm
New ferry service arrives Port of Brisbane 5.30pm

COST: Adults $100, Children (12yrs under) half price

This is a very affordable and great way to discover a very beautiful part of Queensland. The Camp at Blue Lagoon is accommodated with tents and camp kitchen, so all you need to bring is your bedding and food.

Cost includes barge, all transport on the island, camp fees, Saturday sunset nibblies and drinks at the lighthouse followed by BBQ.

BOOKINGS AND ENQUIRIES
Erika Fish
PHONE: (07) 339 779 39

The Wildlife Preservation Society of Queensland is a non-government, non-profit organisation committed to protecting and promoting local wildlife by working with the public, environmental scientists and government bodies.

(Thx Bronny for passing this along)

Linkage Fun!

They call foreigners who love France Franc-o-philes, but what do they call people who love Australia? Silly Seppos?

Regardless, I love Oz and spent some time "studying" at Sydney Uni in 2002. I returned to visit this September and am anxious to go again. I have a few links that I'm a particular fan of, whether you're thinking about going to Australia, on a trip right now or back home.

Australian Department of Immigration and Cultural and Indigenous Affairs
The be all and end all of what you need to know about coming to Australia, no matter how long your stay. Put up by Australian government and loved by travelers worldwide.

Australian Tourism Board
The tourism board gets their say. Look a pictures, check out maps and figure out where you want to go.

Australian History-Brief Summary
Show off your skills. Know some history. This brief timeline links to a one page summary if you're short on time.

More Detailed Australian History
If you care to more about Oz history than just the dates.

Sydney Morning Herald
Check up on all the local news before you go with Australia's largest circulating newspaper.

Weather
Brag to all your friends about how much better the weather is in Oz, while they're stuck digging out their car from under six feet of snow. Like weather.com with surf reports.

Australia City Search
Wanna know THE places to eat, drink and party in Oz? Look for a place to nosh al fresco or check on what's on at the hottest clubs.

Pictures of Australia
Lots of people take pictures of Australia. This guy just does it better.

Hunter Valley Wine Country
Australia is known for it's Shiraz. Make sure you drink some of it- this primer wine region is only 100 km outside of Sydney.

Aussie Lingo
Who says they speak the King's English down under? Make sure you know the strine, you tosser.

Australia Study Abroad
The straight facts on studying in Oz and lists of the programs that will get you there.

Migrate to Australia
In case you want to stay in Australia: find out your options and get a free assessment of your skills.

Aussie Cookin'
Cook some of the Oz specialties yourself once you get back home.

Search .com.au
Can't find what your looking for on any of these sites? Use an Australia-only browser.

Oh my...

Alcoholic Tim Tams...

There is a god.

Next there'll be beer-flavoured ice-cream and I may never leave the house [and no doubt become the size of one!]

Decadent Ging

Day Trip to Redcliffe

I've been meaning to get to the coast for ages now, since I got back to Brisbane in July, but haven't quite managed it yet. Even though my favoured Sunshine Coast is only 90 minutes or so away it always seems like a trip you have to start early in the morning to make a day of it. Yesterday, I struck a happy medium by going to the beach in the Brisbane suburb/township of Redcliffe.

The weather cooperated, with clear blue skies and 30+° temps. There are a couple of different ways to get to Redcliffe from Brisbane and I chose the slightly longer route that meant less turns and checks of the street directory. It took less than an hour and neither traffic nor parking was a problem (Sunday parking is free and unlimited time). My parents had told me of a place called Sutton's Beach that has great fish'n'chips. Since no trip to the beach is complete without fish'n'chips, that was my first port of call.

The place in question is called Sam's on Sutton and was doing a roaring trade. Lots of families out enjoying the sun and getting takeaway to eat in the shade. After making my order, I staked out a table in the shade and took in the view. I also spotted a drink I haven't had in years. Anyone who says SARS hasn't reached Australian shores is a deadset liar (Ok, that was the last bad joke).

A word to the wise when ordering fish'n'chips at Sam's: don't order the family size chips ($5) unless there are at least four of you, maybe five. I thought I was hungry, but the portion was massive. I swear I used to eat that much as a kid. I must admit I went a little crazy and ordered a couple of potato scallops as well, not to mention a Chiko Roll. Anyone who's wondering what's in a Chiko Roll, I took a photo of the insides, but I'm still not able to determine the ingredients (apart from something which may be carrot). Either way, after you've eaten one, you need to drink about a litre of water to equalize the salt now in your system.

The food was very good (although my piece of snapper was a little tough), but there was just too much of it. Stupidly, I ate too much to be able to squeeze in an ice-cream and considering how hot it was, this was a mistake. Instead, I went for a walk along the beach. Redcliffe has no surf to speak of, but a very long beach with flat water that stays shallow for quite some distance out from shore. This makes it perfect for young children to be able to play in the water without getting beaten up by surf, or getting out of their depth.

As I wandered along the beach, calf deep in water, I came across some of the local wildlife. The only thing that bothered me about the beach was the amount of broken glass lying around. Some had been there awhile as it was fairly smooth from the action of the salt water, but there were still plenty of sharp shards lying around which are a real danger. In just a 15 minute walk I found a fair amount to pick up and throw away (and practice my shadow puppetry).

A sign that said "Surfboards Prohibited" made me laugh considering there are more waves in a jacuzzi than there are at Sutton's Beach.

Sunday was the men's final at the Australian Open and I was hoping to find a pub to watch some of the match in. The first hotel I went to was a real local's pub. There wasn't a lot going on and there certainly wasn't any tennis on the TV's inside. Just TAB screens giving the updates of the horse and greyhound racing. I hadn't seen another pub during my walk along Sutton's Beach so I jumped back in the car, thinking I'd find another one fairly quickly down at the next beach. Four beaches later and still no pub. Where the hell was I? How can this be? Thinking the locals must prefer to drink their beer away from the sea I drove inland two streets and headed back the way I'd come. Still nothing! The first hotel could not have been the only pub in town, it was too crappy to be making the kind of money a lone pub must be making.

As it turned out, if I'd turned right instead of left when I first left Sutton's Beach, I would have come across the main shopping area. A half block from the crappy pub there was the Ambassador Hotel (refurbished, so much nicer than the photos on that site), another crappy hotel, a fancy cocktail bar, a Hog's Breath Cafe, a steak house and an ice-cream parlour. By now I was pretty darn thirsty and missing a significant part of the tennis. But I was choosy, going into each of these places before settling on the Ambassador. Unfortunately, there was no sound on the telly and I had to watch Federer make short work of Safin while some bloke with a mullet belted out Bon Jovi tunes in front of his one middle-aged groupie.

All-in-all, Redcliffe is a great day out. So close to Brisbane that you can even wait until the afternoon to get there and still enjoy a day at the beach. There's plenty of shaded play areas for the kids, as well as a patrolled beach so you don't have to be watching the little nippers in the water every second. There's plenty of other eateries if fish'n'chips isn't your thing, just leave enough room for the massive ice-creams.