October 20, 2003
A Big Howl
I couldn't stop crying on my way to work this morning. Not a bad thing, and long overdue, perhaps. Maybe 'it's a girl thing', but there's nothing like a good howl to remind you that you're alive. And it’s been a while for me, so it also reminded me that, yes, I have feelings and am in fact, a very emotional person. Now anyone who knows me knows that, but, I have to say, I’ve not felt much/shown as much for the last while…
I've had the weirdest/painful couple of months and haven't had/perhaps made the time to 'actually stop' and er, let it all out. I guess it was also the result of my ‘introspective weekend’, culminating in the release of the last couple of months’ emotions…
I lost my best friend from high school in March this year [on International Women's Day no less] and, while I’ve lost ‘various’ relatives and both my parents, her death really hit me hard. I guess ‘cos she was so young [30!], so positive, so strong and healthy, such a fighter, even ‘til the last day of her life, so appreciative of life/her family/people in her life, at the happiest point in her life, with so much left to give and experience… It still sucks, it’s still a great injustice, and still doesn’t seem real sometimes.
She loved the rain and there’s been a lot of rain lately, none more than this morning as I was driving to work, with the windscreen wipers flitting back and forth. It’s also the third anniversary of my mother’s death tomorrow and I’ve been thinking that, perhaps because of my friend's more recent death, I’ve not been thinking about my mum of late. Or so I thought. It was only a few days ago that I was thinking, I haven’t thought of mum for a while, I must be ‘fully over it’, she must’ve ‘released me’, knowing I’m okay getting on with my life, etc. Mums never leave us, though, y’know. When the anniversary’s coming up I do get a bit introspective, but with so much going on this year, it’s been ‘incidental’, ‘in the background’. Or so I thought.
Yesterday, ‘for some reason’, I changed from listening to ‘my usual raucous cds’ in the car to, now don’t laugh, a bit of Faith Hill… On playing the opening track, There You’ll Be, this morning I just bawled. Tears were literally streaming down my face as I puttered along in peak-hour traffic on the freeway. Sappy as the lyrics may be, it reminds me of the strength of both my mum and Di, sadness that they’re gone, yet acceptance that they’re gone and appreciation of them in my life...
When I think back on these times
And the dreams we left behind
I'll be glad 'cause I was blessed
To get to have you in my life
When I look back on these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me
In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always be a place for you
For all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
Well you showed me how it feels
To feel the sky within my reach
And I always will remember all
The strength you gave to me
Your love made me make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me
'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always
Posted Just Because
Posted by Ging | #
Related: Ging-ography
(tag
)
If you found "A Big Howl" useful or interesting, please share it with others by bookmarking it at the following sites:
« Now that’s a low maintenance pet! |
How old are you? »
Home Page
Comments
You made me cry a little bit too...nice one.
Posted by: Sean at October 21, 2003 12:56 AM
Ah, Sean, yer big sensitive man you... Tanks.
It's all good - better in than out, as 'they' say!
Cathartic Ging
Posted by: Ging at October 21, 2003 10:20 AM
A big hug for you. Hope you are feeling better now.
Posted by: Dusty at October 21, 2003 04:22 PM
Thanks, Dusty. I actually felt fine/great at the time, believe it or not. Good tears, not horrible rocking-in-the-foetal-position tears!
Posted by: Ging at October 22, 2003 08:30 AM
I was getting really worried about what Chris is turning into as I was reading the opening paragraph.
Am relieved it was Ging and hope you feel better.
Posted by: Nick at October 23, 2003 02:26 AM
Now this thread is turning funny - I can't imagine Chris doing this...the thought of Nick getting worried about Chris also cracks me up....I could see Nick thinking.
"Poor bugger...wow...he is really sharing his feelings here."
Still glad you dii ging.
Posted by: Sean at October 23, 2003 11:47 AM
I think Nick was thinking more about whether he'd have to use his knife on me. You know why...
Posted by: Chris at October 23, 2003 01:24 PM
Okay, okay, I think we're losing the sentiment here!!!
[it's not like THAT hasn't happened before!]
What's with the knife?! Or, like the purple velvet dress, don't I want to know?!
Posted by: Ging at October 23, 2003 01:34 PM
The sentiment is there, Ging, and that's why the bloaks responded.
Losing someone in your generation is hard because that's a point of contact that you can relate to. It also affects your mortality - up close and personal. And how pleasant can that be?
Posted by: Mary at October 24, 2003 11:49 AM
